Tagalog Banat Jokes Quotes and Stories #09

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ANG LATA NI LOLA

Lola: Ineng palimos naman, kahit magkano lng..

Girl: Ehh Lola, bakit po dalawa ang LATA nyo?

Lola: Alam mo kasi ineng, as a business woman,
we should think one more ways on how to develop our business.
That’s why, instead of associating the money I got for my daily
expenditures, I invested it by putting up another branch

..

..lol :D

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BOY: miss , pabili po ng juice na litro pack

TINDERA: powder ba ?

BOY: bakit ? may bareta na ba ?

..

..

....

:D tawa much haha ^^

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Airforce: "No guts, No glory!"

Marines: "No retreat, No surrender!"

Army: "No pain, No gain!"

..

..

Naks ayaw patalo ang Security Guards: "No I.D, No entry!"

:D

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kung gusto mong iGALANG at IRESPETO kITA

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

kISS MUNA ! xD

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Mister at Misis sa Loob ng Hospital..

Mister: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyong ito,

ikaw na lang bahala sa mga bata!

Misis: Tumigil ka nga r'yan kung kailan tatlo na

ang anak natin saka mo naisip magpatule!

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Tinext ni GF si BF: "Hon, walang tao sa bahay"

*Nagmamadali naman si bf na pumunta sa bahay ni gf

pagdating sa bahay ni girl, kumatok ng kumatok si bf*

BF: (tinext si GF) dali buksan mo pinto excited na ako!!

GF: BOBO ka???? sabi ko diba walang tao... cno magbubukas sayo jan dito kami sa MALL!!!!

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Tagalog Banat Jokes Quotes and Stories #08

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Ang buhay co SIMPLE lang ..
Wlang labis ,


IKAW lang ang kulang :)) 
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(Sa isang barkong palubog)
Kapitan: kelangan nating magbawas ng tatlong pasahero,
para sa kaligtasan ng karamihan!

Japanese: farewell japan! (sabay talon sa dagat)
(hindi nagpatalo ang espanyol)
Espanyol: Viva espanya! (tumalon din sa dagat)
(at syempre hindi nman magpapatalo ang pinoy)
Pinoy: (sumigaw!) mabuhay ang pilipino! (sabay tulak sa katabing bumbay)


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TEACHER : ok class , only berto got 99/100 ...
BERTO : Oha ! Ano kayo ngayon ? Mamundok na lang kayo ng kamote ! Mga bobo !
Mga utak manok ! Mga walang pinag-aralan ! Mga ubod ng tanga ! Hindi na lang kayo magpakamatay !!!
TEACHER : The rest got 100 ...
hahah . laugh trip :)
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Isang gabi naglalakad ako sa isang madilim na iskinita ..
Bigla akong may narinig na tila SUMPA..
"ANABI AH ILONER O PEING AD MAYA LAM A TING A E
MER HAD ANABI ONA UBER OP MOR MAASIN"
halos mabaliw ako ..
...
.
.
lalo na nung makita sa sulok ng mga mata ko na
NGO-NGO pala ang kumakanta ng "BILLIONAIRE"..
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Pagdating sa love...Parents: Ang bata-bata mo pa.
Pagdating sa gawaing bahay...
Parents: Ang tanda-tanda mo na. 
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Wag kang magtaka
kung isang araw
kidnapin ka at
iLagay ka sa SAKO
.
....
si SANTA CLAUS un
iKAW kasi ung WiSH ko :))
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SEAMAN: Mag-apply sana kong seaman.
CAPTAIN: Marunong ka bang lumangoy?
SEAMAN: Hindi eh..
...
CAPTAIN: Eh di ka pwede..
SEAMAN: Bakit? Yung piloto ba marunong lumipad? Utak pre.. Utak!
haha...:D


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Aanhin mu pa ang
ganda mung kapuri-puri
.
.
.
... KUNG LASPAG kna sa
SOBRA mung LANDii :)) 
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Isa lang naman ang ayaw ko sa CRUSH ko eh.
.
.
.
.......
.
.
.
.
.
.
Yung GIRLFRIEND niya. :D
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Ang mga FLIRT ay parang CHINA PHONE laang..
.
.
.
.
....
NAG MAMAGANDA tignan...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
LOW QUALITY naman !!! 
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Hindi kayang tumbasan ng ISANG LIBONG TAO...
.
.
.
.
....
ang pagmamahal ng ISANG TAO
na minsan lang magseryoso. ♥ 
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Sa party, nilapitan ng isang gwapong lalaki
ang isang babaeng nkaupo sa isang tabi :
Lalaki : sasayaw ka ba ?
*tuwang tuwa ang babae at tmayo..
Babae : oo, sasayaw ako!
Lalaki : hay salamat! paupo ako ah? :)))

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White guy: dude! Pwde kta tawaging 'pre?
Black guy: bkit?
White guy: shortcut ng kapre eh... Haha
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TEACHER: Magpapa-class picture tayo para paglaki nyo, sasabihin nyo:
"Wow si dodong police na,
wow si inday teacher na,
wow si tomas doctor na,
JUAN: wow si mam!
PATAY NA..
TEACHER: umupo ka.. wag kang sasali! 

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Anak umuwi ng bahay.(gaLit)

Anak: Nay, pinptwag kau sa skul!
Nay: bakit? my ginwa kn namang katarntaduhan?
Anak: ako ba? baka ikaw, ikw nga pinapatawag db?

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Sana ulan ka at lupa na lang ako.
Para kahit gaano kalakas ang patak mo, sa akin pa rin ang bagsak mo.

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Mlupit n banat ng 1 btang tmad sa knyang mpg-utos na ina:
"Umayos k ma! ang diyos nga sampu lng ang u2s, kw mdami!
gs2 m ipako dn kta?" 
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Boy:Miss, magsusuot ka ba ng hikaw kung la kang tenga?
Girl: Xempre hinde!
Boy: Eh sing-sing kung wala kang daliri?
Girl: Of cOrz nOt!
Boy: Eh bat ka naka-BRA! 
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MGA INGLESERA SA KANTO....

1.ats if!
2.the nerd!
3.im sick of tired!
4.true good to be true!
5.when it rains,it's four!
6.once in a new moon.
7.keep your mouth shock!
8.connect me if im wrong.
9.i hope u dont mine.
10.will u please give me alone?
11.PLS. DON'T MAKE FOND OF ME!!!!
12. It's your CHOOSE not mine!
13. Dont be too so CHOICEY!
14. Come! Lets join us!
15. Its a blessings from the sky!
......hehehehe
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Tagalog Love Quotes #08

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“Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohanan,
at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan.”
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“Makakapili ka ng lugar na uupuan mo,
pero hindi mo mapipili ang taong uupo satabi mo…
ganyan ang senaryo sa bus.. Ganyan din ang pag-ibig ..
Lalong di mo kontrolado kung kailan sya bababa.”

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Tagalog Banat Jokes | Quotes | Stories #07

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Mag-ex, nagkasabay sa elevator..Girl: Anong oras na?Boy: Sorry, Wala akong relo.
Girl: Oh talaga? E diba, Two timer ka?
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Isang araw, matagal na nakatitig si Piglet ky Pooh..
.
.
.
Pooh: Bakit ka ba ganyan tumitig saken?
.
.
.
.
.
Piglet: Ang taba mo, dapat ikaw si piglet eh.. Badtrip. 
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“Magaling ka ba sa algebra?
can you substitute my ‘x’?”
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“Para kang tindera ng sigarilyo.
You give me ‘hope’ and ‘more’…” 
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May lason ba ang mga mata mo?
Nakakamatay kasi ang titig mo.
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Pwde bang MCDO na lang tawag ko sau?
Kasi nakakahiya kong sabihing, Love ko ‘to
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Mahilig ka ba magluto na pancit canton?
Kasi pag kasama kita,feeling ko, “LUCKY ME.” 
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Teacher: mga bata alam ba nyo na ang
bawat butil ng bigas ng palay ay galing sa
dugo at pawis ng mga magsasaka???
Mga bata: EEEWWWWWW!!! !
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TEACHER: okay class our lesson for today is science.

What is science?
PEDRO: ako ma'am! Ako ma'am!
TEACHER: okay Pedro, what is science?
PEDRO: science is our lesson for today.
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Tagalog Love Quotes #07

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HUWAG kang maging isang
"LALAKI na NANGANGAILANGAN ng isang BABAE" dapat ikaw ay
"LALAKI na KAILANGAN ng isang BABAE." 
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Noon minahal ka niya.
Akala mo forever pero iniwan ka rin niya.
Pinipilit mong ibalik ang noon pero hindi mo kaya.
Sino ngayun ang manhid?
Siya dahil hindi niya maramdamang mahal mo siya?
O ikaw kasi hindi mo matanggap na ayaw na niya?
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Babalik lang ang atensyon mo sa bagay
na pinagsawaan mo na..
Pag nakita mo itong maayos na sa piling ng iba. :/
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“Ang tunay na lalaki,
sa sitwasyong komplikado na silang girlfriend niya ,
gagawa’t gagawa siya ng paraan para hindi sila magbreak.” 
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HiNDi mo naman masasabing TANGA ka ..
SiGURO …
MATiYAGA ka lang talaga sa mga taong MAHAL mo ng sobra! 
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Walang nagpapaasa, mayroon lang kusang umaasa. :) 
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Kahit ipagsigawan mo kung gaano mo siya kamahal..
kung iba pa rin ang nasa puso nya -
PAOS kana BINGI parin siya.
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English Love Quotes #04

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Good relationships are like trees.

They demand attention & care in the beginning,

but once they blossom they provide you shade in all situations of life.

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Inspirational Quotes #10

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"You don't have to be great to start,
but you have to start to be great." - Joe Sabah _______________________________________________________
 
"This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end.
But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." - Winston Churchill 
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"Beginnings are only difficult without any action." - Byron Pulsifer 
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"All difficult things have their origin in that which is easy,
and great things in that which is small." - Lao-Tzu
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Inspirational Quotes #09

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Life is not about searching for the things that could be found.

It's about letting the unexpected happen. And finding the things

you've never searched for.

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The thing about perfection is that it's unknowable, it's impossible

but it is also right in front of us all the time. -Tron Legacy

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Life is the hardest course we could ever take. It could only be

taken once. No Masteral, No Doctoarate!

You don't have any Dean but God.

And once you've graduated, you're done and gone.

So live each day as if it's your last, because in this course,

you'll never know the exact date of your closing ceremony.

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Tagalog Love Quotes #06

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Wag mong itali ang sarili mo sa isang tao na hindi ka

sigurado kung mahal ka at importante ka sa kanya!

Sadyang may mga taong magaling magkunwari at

magpa-ikot kasama na ang pekeng effort!

Ang tamaan, SAPUL!

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Inspirational Quotes #08

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If you have a chance to take the moment
dat you know will be memorable, grab it.

Always think that the word
NEXT TIME is always too far...
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You will get tired as everyone else does...
You can have all the choices to stop.
But remember, taking a good rest
is a lot different from giving up.

^^
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Understanding is deeper than knowledge.
There are many people who know you...

..but very few
Understands you..

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Surrender doesn't mean you are weak.
There are things you need to give up..
not because you are tired of it..
but because no matter what you do,
it's not meant for you..
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Life has its own way of making us smile
even when you want to give up and lose hope..
'coz certain surprises come your way just when
you thought you would never smile again..
God's blessing may come as a surprise,
and how much you receive depends
on how much your heart can believe! :)
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NEVER explain yourself to anyone
bcoz,
the person who LIKES you doesn't need it.
and
the person who DISLIKES you won't
believe it..
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We can't make all people understand us,
we have to accept that having the opportunity
to speak doesn't always give us the privilege
to be understood..
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Tagalog Banat Jokes | Quotes | Stories #06

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TEACHER: Juan! Bakit puro 'pagmamahal' ang sagot mo
dito sa testpaper mo?!
JUAN: Sabi po kasi sa akin ng magulang ko, kahit kelan,
hindi naging mali ang..'PAGMAMAHAL'. :))
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"Madaming tao ang ayaw kumain ng ampalaya kasi daw
mapait... pero kung makainom ng alak, akala mo matamis."

onga naman! :)
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Inspirational Quotes #07

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Doing easily what others find difficult is talent...
-Henri-Frederic Amiel
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Nothing gives one person so much advantage
over another as to remain always cool
and unruffled under all circumstances.
-Thomas Jefferson
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There is no master key to the inner life of a people,
but language unlocks a vast number of treasure house.
- Edgar Lee Hewett
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Let us not lament too much the passing of our friends.
They are not dead, but simply gone before us along
the road which all must travel.
-Antiphanes
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Gratitude is the least of virtues,
but ingratitude the worst of vices.
-Proverb
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Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense
and plain dealing.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Genius is one percent inspiration and
ninety-nine percent perspiration.
-Thomas A. Edison
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Every man has a right to utter what he thinks truth,
and every other man has a right to
knock him down for it.
-Samuel Johnson
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Friendship Quotes from Famous Authors #02

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Greater love hath no man than this,
that a man lay down his life for his friends.
-New Testament
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Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledg'd comrade.
-Shakespeare
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One friend in a lifetime is much;
two are many; three are hardly possible.
Friendship needs a certain parallelism of life,
a community of thought, a rivalry of aim.
-Henry Adams
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If you have one true friend,
you have more than your share.
-Thomas Fuller
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Tagalog Banat Jokes | Quotes | Stories #05

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"Kung ikaw ang may KATWIRAN,
Asahan ang KATARUNGAN!" :)
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Bata: Mam, ang utot ga po ay nabukol?
Guro: Ay hinde eh.. Hangin lang ang utot. Hindi siya nabukol.
Bata: Ay sya Mam! Tae na ho areh!
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Holdaper: Holdap toh!
Girl: So? Walang nagtatanong!!
Holdaper: Holdap nga toh!
Girl: Kailangan pagsigawan?? PROUD??
Holdaper: Holdap sabi eh! Holdap nga! Holdap!!
Girl: Paulet-ulet?? Unli tayo Kuya??
Holdaper: Pag hindi ka tumigil papatayin kita!
Girl: Weeeeeehh? Holdap naging patayan? Ano toh? 2 in 1??
Holdaper: Leche! Makaalis na nga!!
Girl: Ay.. Nag-walk-out?? Best actor ka Kuya! :)
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Boy: MAHAL KITAH!
Girl: Ibaling mo na lang sa iba ang nararamdaman mo para sa akin!
Boy: Anlaaah!! Kababaling laang eh, babaling na naman??

Nagpabaling-baling na!
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Ang love, parang Coffee.
Pag nasobrahan sa granules, pumapait!

Lesson: Don't give too much. Para sa huli, di ka bitter. :)
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ANG MATIPID NA MISIS

Mrs. Tanoy is very kuripot. When her husband died,
she inquired with the newspaper, asking the price for the obituary.

The ad taker said, "300 pesos for five words."
Mrs. Tanoy said, "Pede ba two words na lang? Tanoy dead."
Ad taker said, "No Mam, five words is the minimum."

After thinking for a while, Mrs. Tanoy said,
"OK, para sulit.. Ilagay mo... TANOY DEAD, TOYOTA FOR SALE!"

Yan ang matipid na Misis! :)
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Mara: I'm cooler than you, Clara.
Clara: So, that makes me HOTTER than you, Mara?
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Inspirational Quotes #06

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All things in life are temporary.
If they are going well, enjoy...
they won't last for-ever.

If they go wrong,
don't worry...
They can't last long either!
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Inspirational Quotes #05

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"You will never be good enough for everybody.
But, one thing is for sure... You are the best for someone
who really appreciates you."
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