Funny Stories #2

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An old country farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully.
From morning 'till night she was always complaining about something.
The only time he got any relief was when he was out ploughing with
his old mule. He tried to plough a lot. One day, when he was out ploughing,
his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade,
sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately,
his wife began nagging him again. Complain, nag, complain, nag.
It went on and on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her
smack in the back of the head. Killed her... dead on the spot!

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather
odd. When a woman mourner approached the old farmer, he would
listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner
approached the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head
in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the
old farmer all about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the
old farmer, and asked why he nodded his head and agreed with the
women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all of the men.

The old farmer said, 'Well, the women would come up and say something
about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I nod
my head in agreement.'

'And what about the men?' the minister asked.

Farmer replied, 'They wanted to know if the mule was for sale!!'
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Funny Stories #1

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There was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly
before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma.
Her husband was away on business and unable to be reached.
While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only
person around to name her children was her brother.

When the mother came out of her coma to find that she had given birth
and that her brother had named the twins, she became worried because
he wasn't a very bright guy. She was sure he had named them
something absurd or stupid.

When she saw her brother she asked him about the twins.

He said, "The first one was a girl."
The mother: What did you name her?
Brother: Denise!
The mother: Oh, wow! That's not bad! What about the second one?
Brother: The secon one was a boy.
The mother: Oh, and what did you name him?
Brother: Denephew!!
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Funny Jokes #2

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BEING THANKFUL

A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year old boy,
"So your mother says your prayers for you each night?
That's very commendable.
What does she say?"
The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"
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DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked,
"Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing
when he was on the Ark?"
"No", replied Johnny. "How could he with just two worms?"
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Tagalog Banat Jokes Quotes and Stories #18

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Bush: What are the pollutants in your country?
Jingoy: We have lots of pollutants. We have sisig, kilawin,
chicharon, mani.
Erap: Anak, may nakalimutan ka, Boy Bawang (kornik).
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Rodrigo: Bakit badtrip ka?
Mario: Nagtampo kasi sa akin ang utol ko.
Rodrigo: Bakit naman?
Mario: Nakalimutan ko kasi ang birthday n'ya.
Rodrigo: 'Yun lang? Ano'ng masama ro'n?
Mario: Ang masama ro'n... twins kami! TWINS!
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Sa loob ng isang classroom...

Teacher: Class.. What is ETHICS?
Pedro: Ma'm, Etiks are smaller than ducks!
Teacher: That duck will lay an egg in your card!
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Famous Quotes #3

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Music, the greatest good that mortals know,
And all of heaven we have below.
- Joseph Addison
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Music exalts each joy, allays each grief,
Expels diseases, softens every pain,
Subdues the rage of poison and the plague.
- John Armstrong
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Music is well said to be the speech of angels.
- Thomas Carlyle
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Famous Quotes #2

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The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.
- Bishop W. C. Magee
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To err is human, to forgive is divine.
- Alexander Pope
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The wise course is to profit from the mistakes of others.
- Terence
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It is the nature of every man to err,
but only the fool perseveres in error.
- Cicero
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Famous Quotes #1

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It is easy to become generous with other people's property.
-Latin proverb
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The most important thing in any relationship is not what you
get but what you give... In any case, the giving of love is an education
in itself.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
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You must be fit to give before you can be fit to receive.
- James Stephens
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Tagalog Banat Jokes Quotes and Stories #17

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Misis: Hon, delayed ako... pero h'wag mo muna ipagsasabi.
Nahihiya ako...
Mister: Okey.

Kinabukasan, dumating ang mga taga-Meralco.

Taga-Meralco: Misis, delayed po kayo ng one month.
Misis: Ha? Bakit mo alam?
Taga-Meralco: Nasa record po.
Mister: Bakit nagka-record d'yan ang Misis ko?
Taga-Meralco: Kung gusto n'yo mawala sa record, magbayad kayo!
Mister: Eh, kung ayoko magbayad?
Taga-Meralco: Puputulan ho kau.
Mister: Ha?! Eh ano nang gagamitin ni Misis??
Taga-Meralco: Pwede naman ho s'yang gumamit ng kandila!!
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Funny Jokes #1

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POLICEMAN ARRESTING A PROSTITUTE

Prosti: I am not selling sex.
Police: Then, what are you doing?
Prosti: I'm a saleswoman selling condoms with free demo.
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Godly Quotes #04

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Did you know that...

When you carry the Bible,
Satan has a headache.

When you open it,
he collapses,

When he sees you reading it,
he faints.

Let's read the bible everyday.
So he will keep on fainting.
Maybe one day he'll have a stroke and
never wake-up.
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